Another binge.. but picking myself straight back up

I really want to document this because I seem to be great at giving advice about how not to binge (see my last post!) but then the very same day I decide to hit the chocolate biscuits and fudge between shifts!  I might know all the right things to do but if I’m wanting to sabotage my day and feel like crap then it seems like there’s no stopping me.

I was on my break between my 2 jobs and had just eaten my healthy but substantial and perfectly filling dinner of veggie sausages, mash and beans which I had been looking forward to all afternoon (after having a very healthy day).  I will try to describe what happened.  I finished my dinner and then had the depressing thought that the next thing on the horizon was a busy shift at a restaurant, which I really did not want to go to (only because I felt tired, not because I don’t like the job).  I proceeded to the kitchen, and, desperate to feel a bit happier, I ate a chocolate Club biscuit (130 cals).  This was so enjoyable that I went back and had 2 Oreos.  Then 2 more.  I still felt like I had a pit to fill and by this time my head was diseased with the swarming thoughts of all the food in my kitchen – I shovelled in a small bowl of granola and a few slices of fudge, a spoonful of peanut butter and some popcorn.  By the end of this (about 15 minutes in duration) I felt like absolute shit and didn’t want to go to work even more than before!  And at work I felt really sluggish and crap, like I had this secret and everything felt a bit pointless.  I had to fight hard to be cheerful.

So today I just decided not to worry about it too much – it probably isn’t much worse calorie-wise than eating out in a nice restaurant and enjoying a pudding.  And I had run 5 miles the evening before so maybe my body needed it?  Not that the crap I ate is the ideal go-to for a hungry body.. but hey-ho.  I am generally very good, so shouldn’t over-guilt myself, as it only leads to more bingeing behaviour.  I have slip-ups but if I can keep getting straight back up instead of wallowing, maybe it will become easier.