Happy Monday. Yesterday me and S drank a bottle of Prosecco with strawberries while we watched the Wimbledon tennis final and then went to try out a new trendy burger restaurant that had just opened in town. Cue: menus typed out on pieces of notepaper, exposed ligament bulb lighting, brioche buns a-plenty and more beanie hats, beards and checked shirts than you can shake a (suitably trendy) stick at. (I welcome this in our little sailing town, which until relatively recently was fairly hipster-free and catered mainly for the older, wealthier sailors who visit in their thousands throughout the summer.)
The meal we had was actually delicious – since S decided to cut out meat a few months ago (hooray!), eating out has become more fun as now we can swap tasters and share bits. Lo and behold, there were 2 veggie burgers on the menu (I wasn’t expecting that) – a portabello mushroom with goats cheese and chutney in brioche bun, and a grilled halloumi with roasted peppers and pesto in ciabatta. I fancied the halloumi (I can never get that excited about a mushroom), but S was set on ordering this so I went for the mushroom, so we could half/half. The mushroom was by far the best. Something about the combination of ridiculously squishy brioche against fleshy mushroom, creamy slab of goats cheese and sweet, sticky chutney was a combination I could have demolished twice over.
Today I feel pretty good, I had the diet doubt all Friday and Saturday where I was feeling negative and wanting to eat fairly constantly, but (touchwood) I rode the wave without *too* much damage – and no binge, which is the very important thing here. Saturday morning my urge to binge was phenomenal, I mean at 11am I was telling myself “there’s no way I can fight this, how can I struggle with this urge all day, I give up” – but I stepped back and used all my strength to ask myself “why right now? What is different about today that’s making me want to do this when I haven’t had the binge urge in ages?” It was because of a change in routine – instead of being at work I suddenly found myself home alone until 2pm (S was covering at the shop), unplanned, and since the weather was poor I couldn’t lay out in the sun. I was bored! I was just bloody bored. Luckily I did recognise this just in time, I had my (healthy) lunch very early to calm the beast in my stomach (I was genuinely hungry, and eating an early lunch, I realised, was a far more sensible idea than raiding the cupboards in a frenzy of gluttony). I then started prep for dinner later and before I knew it, it was nearly time to go to work and I’d distracted myself long enough for the feeling to fade. I KNOW that a year ago that would have definitely been a binge – I would have eaten everything I could find then felt incredibly guilty, disgusting and depressed (and spent all day not wanting to see or talk to anyone). So I’m proud of myself. I still had nagging food thoughts for the rest of the day, and didn’t eat perfectly, so nothing’s black and white. But it’s significant progress, and I’m really happy with that. Rachel 1, binge beast 0.
Breakfast – actually I skipped brekkie today. I know it’s a cardinal sin but I just felt a bit queasy this morning.
Lunch – sandwich thin with light cheese slice, reduced fat hummus and salad, plus snack of fresh mixed fruit and sugar free jelly – 350 cals
Dinner – haven’t decided yet. Usually around 550 cals
Total = 900 cals. I’m sure I’ll be hungry later for eating so little, so maybe I’ll bulk up dinner or have some snacks later!